Patience
by MrsRodgers
Summary: What happens when the love of your life disappears on your wedding day? How do you cope with no new leads and evidence that doesn't make any sense?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, my first story posted on this site. I had to take a break from my historical fiction to watch the S7 premiere of Castle, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to consider the first two episodes of the season as we follow Castle's disappearance and return. Probably going to be about four chapters.**

**Disclaimer: The usual that you find on this site: the characters don't belong to me. But actually I'm okay with that because the responsibility of owning them is far too great for me. Happy to borrow them for a while though.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

It took him a while to find her. When LT had called him from the precinct he hadn't believed what he was hearing, couldn't understand why they would try and push her like, must have known it would force her to the point of breaking. Their team was already on edge, the tension between the three of them growing more strained with every day that Castle was missing; no matter what people on the outside thought Castle was an integral part of their team and they would search for him and for answers until he was back at the precinct. He personally believed that Javi was being a jerk over the whole thing, couldn't see how he could be so quick to believe that Castle had run from the wedding willingly. He could also see that Javi's skepticism was weighing heavily with Beckett and contributing to the stress she was under. The fact that she should now be almost back from her honeymoon, not searching for her missing groom, had to be a harsh reality to live with every day. But that wasn't Castle, his devotion to Beckett was obvious to them all long before the two of them were a couple; she was right, the evidence was a false trail to confuse them. Whatever this absence was it had to have answers that didn't lead them to the conclusion Castle was complicit in his own disappearance.

He found her on the roof terrace curled up tightly in a blanket and staring up at the stars. There was an air of isolation and melancholy about her. She took a while to acknowledge his presence; refused to even look because he wasn't the one she wanted to see. Eventually he had to break the silence.

"Kate." He sounded nervous. "Took me a while to find you. You okay?" The small indrawn breath was an indicator that he knew it was a stupid question, but nothing was as it should be at the moment and she couldn't fault him for trying to get through to her.

"You heard?" Her voice was small, detached, and still she refused to look at him. "Who called you?"

He shuffled a bit closer to her, trying to see her face, wanting the connection with her because this was going to be tough. "LT. He tried Javi first but couldn't get an answer, so he called me."

She shifted restlessly on the ground still staring unblinkingly at the stars. "How bad is it? Enough for Gates to take me off his case? Could I get suspended again?"

He moved at that, standing over her so she had to look at him. "I asked him not to call Gates, told him I'd take care of it. He's talking to the janitor for me at the moment, getting his side of the story." He took a breath and crouched down in front of her. "What were you thinking Kate? Why'd you do it?"

She looked directly at him for the first time since he'd arrived. "Kate? You never call me Kate; I'm always Beckett." The smile barely lifted the corners of her mouth.

"Yeah well, desperate times and all that." His grin was wry, his eyes as weary as hers. "Figured using your name might shock you into actually answering me." There were signs that he might be right as he watched her consider how to explain the earlier events in the precinct.

"It happened so quickly, didn't even realize what I was doing until LT shouted at me to put the gun down." She had her face buried in her lap, sounded so quiet he struggled to hear her. "I caught the night janitor trying to move his chair; somebody told the janitor to take his chair away, his _chair_ Kev. Why would they do that?" She paused to take a breath, tried for a steadying break before continuing. "He's coming back; he's coming back and they should _know _that."

They both startled as Ryan's phone rang, sounding ridiculously loud in the stretching silence between them. He turned away from her and mumbled a few replies before switching it off and turning to face her again.

"Yeah look Kate. That was LT, he spoke to the guy and it was just a misunderstanding. Nobody told him to take the chair away and that wasn't what he was doing, he just noticed that the area around your desk hadn't been cleaned in a while and he wanted to do something to help. Castle's always been nice to him. You know how he is. Taken an interest in his story, acknowledged him, and he appreciates it."

The crease between her eyes deepened and she slumped forward, her head in her hands. "Oh God, Kev, and I almost _shot_ him. Thank God LT happened to be getting some coffee or I might not have stopped."

"Yeah well they're both freaked out but I'm pretty sure you could get away with an apology for now; he seemed pretty forgiving of the whole thing according to LT. They've both agreed not to say anything so you don't need to worry about Gates." He hesitated and then plowed on with "It was no coincidence that LT was there. You might not have noticed but he makes a point of coming by our floor fairly frequently to keep an eye on you. He isn't the only one."

She took a moment to reflect on recent events. To be honest the whole thing had unsettled her, made her reconsider how well she was dealing with Rick's disappearance. She thought she was coping reasonably well, hanging on to her sanity better than she ever thought was possible a few weeks ago as she'd gazed on the burning car in disbelief and horror. But this, tonight, the chair incident had proven how far from well-balanced she was and maybe the right thing to do would be to let Gates know what had happened and accept the consequences. There was no way she wouldn't keep looking for him anyway with or without her badge; she'd told Special Agent Connors that right at the beginning, the less-than-useless FBI liaison that had been sent to "help", and she meant every word of it. She would never stop looking, would work solely on her own murder board at the apartment like she did with her mother's murder.

Ryan moved towards the stairs and gestured for her to follow him down in to the apartment. She took a deep breath and got up, wrapping the blanket more snugly around her shoulders before locking the door behind her. Walking down the stairs she found him leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest as his eyes followed her down the stairs. As she turned to face him he finally said what he'd wanted to say to her before.

"You didn't ask me how I got in to this apartment earlier. Aren't you curious how I found you? How I got in?" He gave her a chance to respond but she didn't offer any reply except to stare at him defiantly. "Okay then. Well I rushed to the loft when I got the call from LT, only when Martha opened the door she seemed surprised that I thought I would find you there." He paused again and watched her eyes shift evasively around the room while she shuffled from one foot to the other. "Seems you haven't been spending much time at the loft since Castle disappeared and she looked as tired and defeated as you Beckett."

At that her head shot up and she rushed to speak. "How can I stay there Kev, how can I look at her and Alexis each day and have to tell them that we still have no idea where he is or what's happened to him? I can barely force myself to believe that we have nothing each day, I can't do it to them as well." Her breathing was ragged as she paused and sucked in a breath.

He forced a smile and made a point of making sure she looked him in the eye for the next part. "Martha is well aware of what's happening in the investigation and of how tirelessly you're working to bring her son home again, Kate. Nobody doubts you. Everybody knows how hard you push yourself and we all strive to follow you. What she wanted me to make clear to you was that both she and Alexis want you home at the loft. Both of them. That was emphasized. Her words were that you need to go home at the end of the day, Kate. Home, to the loft. Not to this apartment that used to be yours. Home to the family, and she said to remind you that they've been your family for a while now and a marriage certificate doesn't make them any more your family than they already are." Still he pushed on. "Don't fight this on your own, not when you don't have to."

By now it was clear that she was failing to stop the tears, but he refused to feel guilty about making her cry. They were all feeling the loss of Castle and he couldn't help but feel that Martha was correct in emphasizing how important family was. They all needed their families now, more than ever. He was desperate to get home to Jenny and Sarah Grace but needed to know that Beckett had really heard him before he left.

Finally she wiped the tears and nodded, to herself or him it wasn't clear, but she stood straighter and seemed to gather herself. "Okay, thanks. For everything. Probably for saving my job actually. And I promise I'll go to the loft and see Martha, but I can't stay there, not yet. Maybe when I've got myself together, thought about how I can explain to them that we're getting nowhere fast. Three weeks and we have nothing. They might not blame me, but I blame myself for missing whatever was going on before the wedding, and for not being able to find any leads now. That money dump makes no sense, none of this does. But I promise I will go and talk to them and maybe spend what's left of tonight there."

"Okay. Good enough I suppose. I'm going to go home and see my own family. I'll see you at work later and suggest we don't mention recent events to Javi, but I'm happy to call Lanie though if you want; maybe it would be easier to see her?"

"No, it's okay. Lanie might be tougher to talk to actually. I'm going to close up here and head to the loft before you threaten to take me there in cuffs or something." This time a small grin did make an appearance. "Go home and see your own family; tell Jenny I'm so sorry for keeping you from them. I'll see you later."

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><p>As he arrived home his phone vibrated, alerting him to a text from Martha: <em>Katherine just arrived looking as tired and defeated as we feel. Thank you for getting her to come home. <em>Breathing a sigh of relief at having discharged that responsibility he dialed LT and asked him to put the night janitor on the phone so he could have a quick word with him. He wasn't going to mince his words, was passed being subtle or diplomatic as this point.

"Yeah this is Ryan. Just letting you know to pass on the message that if anybody else touches Castle's chair it will be me with the gun. And I won't miss."

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><p><strong>So that's it for now. As I said, aiming for four chapters but that depends on what the first two or three episodes bring us. Can't wait to see what happens though :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Onward we go as we continue to explore the emotionally charged episode that was 'Driven.' Thank you to those of you who took the time to read, follow and review the first chapter.**

**Disclaimer: The usual you will find on this site; the characters don't belong to me. You know I'm actually okay with that because the responsibility of owning them is far too great! Happy to borrow them for a while though. Some of the speech in this chapter is taken directlyfrom the episode and you'll clearly recognize it as you read; the words of David Amann are more powerful than mine could ever be. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

In the end it was the Coast Guard who found him drifting in the Atlantic, unconscious in a small sky blue dinghy, eighty miles off the coast of Delaware. The despair she was feeling that their team had failed to return him safely was rapidly buried under the excitement at finally having him back and it was this excitement which threatened to overwhelm her as she arrived at the hospital. The eight weeks of uncertainty and turbulent emotions temporarily forgotten in the need to see him, to touch him. He is suffering from the effects of exposure and dehydration but he is most definitely alive and she finally has him back. As desperate as she is to see him though her feet refuse to move. At Esposito's question from behind, as she stares ahead of her at his sleeping form, all she can do is turn to both him and Ryan and say through her smile the first words that pop in to her head: "I just never thought I'd see him again." The relief is so great she feels light-headed.

Eventually her feet get the message and allow her to move towards his bed; she finds herself by his side once again tenderly stroking his hand, overwhelmed at the feel of his skin beneath her fingertips warm with the gentle flow of his pulse. But he doesn't wake to hear her tender "Hey, it's me," or to see her radiant smile or to feel the gentle touch of her hand. In no time at all, before he can react to her presence, she retreats as Martha and Alexis arrive and sweep in to the room and up to his bedside like a force of nature.

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><p>Ultimately the weeks of self-doubt and loneliness have culminated with Dr. Swan saying what she has feared all along: that he might just have walked away from his life. He couldn't bring himself to marry her so he disappeared. Her chest aches with this perceived knowledge and coming on top of the discovery of the campsite and the conversation the detectives had with Henry Jenkins, her anger and frustration erupt. This time she strides in to his hospital room and demands the truth. That he calmly stares her down and is so convincing when he says he doesn't remember is no comfort. There is still a lingering doubt that he is telling them all the truth even as he pushes to be allowed to visit the campsite with her where they had found so much circumstantial evidence of his stay. The tears that she fought to hide from Esposito as he made clear his anger at Castle for those missing weeks are close to the surface again, even though there is only a patch of sand marked off with crime tape. The image of the tent filled with the signs of his occupation is ever present in her mind.<p>

There is a physical distance between them that neither knows how to eliminate. They talk but there is minimal eye contact; they are failing to connect either emotionally or physically and it is so clear that she is failing to keep a rein on the anger and despair. Castle is desperate to get through to her, to find his way back. He tells her as plainly as he can what he knows for certain: "I _am_ telling you the truth. I was _not_ here."

Her reply is not long in coming and she is just as emphatic in her certainty that he most definitely _was_.

"Your tuxedo was here. The one you were going to wear when you _married _me." And although she is looking away from him he can clearly hear the heartbreak in her voice. His heart aches as well and as he looks at her, so beautiful but so remote, the thought that they might really be finished is terrifying.

He is struggling to get her to not just _listen_ to what he's saying but to really _hear _him. He tries explaining that he would never camp on the beach after his research on tsunamis for his unpublished novel _Tropical Storm_ but at that her anger is fully unleashed and she strides further away from him because she apparently can't deal with all of this. Her next words scare him as he considers he may never convince her that she should trust him;

"I _believed_ in you. I convinced myself that the evidence didn't matter. That everything that seemed so obvious couldn't be true. Searching for you I didn't even know if you could be alive or if you'd be dead. And you were _right here_, right where you wanted to be." She is close to tears and so certain, but he _knows _he didn't camp here for eight weeks and hopes that talking to Henry Jenkins with her will be a way to persuade her as well. He has to make her see.

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><p>They later return to the precinct together with the knowledge that the Henry Jenkins first interviewed was a fake. Some of the tension between them has been diffused but the physical distance is still there and he is now confronted head on with the mistrust and anger directed his way from Esposito and Ryan. It is unsettling to realize that there are now so many relationships that have to be rebuilt, assuming that he is going to be given the opportunity to do so. He doesn't want to think about being exiled from the precinct after everything the four of them have been through together over the years. Ryan is the more reasonable and trusting of the two and he just has to hope that he can bring Esposito around when the truth of the missing months is discovered. No sign of Gates for which he is eternally grateful; he couldn't cope with having to face her ire right now without the comfort of Kate to fall back on.<p>

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><p>Kate feels on firmer ground in the loft that evening as Castle celebrates with his family and calls her "the love of my life" during the champagne toast. She welcomes him home but there is still a sense of uncertainty within her even as she sits close to him on the sofa, the loft not quite the safe haven it felt a few months ago. Her joy at being within this family is diminished. But she's there and intending to stay and finally, <em>definitely<em>, believes Castle when he says that he doesn't remember what has happened to him. The missing two months are her burden at the moment and she will have to carry them alone until he gets his memory back or until they solve the mystery and find out what really happened.

Finally alone in the bedroom together they are hesitatingly communicating but with the bed a physical barrier between them. She can see and hear that Castle is trying to get her to open up to him, to stop her pulling further away from him, but it's a struggle. He wants to know how she coped, how she kept the faith, why she didn't give up on him. She decides that it's important for him to know that she did lose hope at times, that the weight of the evidence and her own doubts became too much to ignore. She tells him about her rituals because suddenly it seems better to tell him and keep them moving forward. If she doesn't then they have no chance to get back to the perfection of before.

"I would stare at your photo on the murder board and I started thinking that if I would look at it long enough every day that it would keep you alive." She looks and feels slightly embarrassed but Castle is looking pleased and intrigued as he listens to her.

"I guess it worked."

She draws in a breath and continues with "And then I had this thing about your chair." How much to tell him?

"My chair at the precinct?" comes right back at her as she pauses to consider what to say about that night. He has moved to sit on the end of the bed, so close now, staring up at her as he waits for her story.

"I wouldn't let anyone touch it and then the night janitor came by and tried to move it and I freaked out and I almost shot him." She thinks it's best to gloss over her fear that she might have been taken off his case or even suspended again, that it was up to Ryan to save her once more. She makes it sound lighter than that and Castle laughs. She stops in shock because it's the first time since she got him back and it startles her. She closes her eyes and lets out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding and sinks on to the bed next to him. He immediately pulls her in to his side, so close, right where she's wanted to be all along and the tears are coming.

He talks some more and his words have her moving in even closer to him, tucking her head more firmly under his chin; "I know I missed you terribly because there's no way I wouldn't." She feels as well as hears him talk as she is held _so_ close. And then his words come again, sounding as hesitant and lost as she feels; "We can't just pick up where we left off can we, as if nothing happened?"

She knows they can't, says as much, even if she wishes they could. So much still has to be resolved and it's going to take them a while. The tears still flow.

"We'll get there. We'll find our way home."

His words bring a fleeting smile to her lips as she silently prays that it's sooner rather than later.

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><p><strong>So there you have it. I quite clearly believe Castle has no idea what happened to him and that Kate is desperate to get their relationship back on track. But she is justified in her doubts and should expect to get some answers. We are now so close to 'Montreal' and I have deliberately kept myself spoiler free, but there will be answers (some at least I hope) so we'll see where the story takes us next.<strong>

**If you would like to leave a review I'd be happy to read it. Thanks for reading if you've got this far.**

**Sally**

**Twitter: mshistorybrit**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to those of you who took the time to read, follow, favorite, and review the previous chapters – shall we continue?**

**Disclaimer: The usual you will find on this site; the characters don't belong to me. You know I'm actually okay with that because the responsibility of owning them is far too great! Happy to borrow them for a while though. Some of the dialogue in this chapter is taken from the episode and you'll clearly recognize it as you read; I thank Andrew Marlowe for loaning it to me. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

Their day gets off to a rocky start with that ambush-masquerading-as-an-interview in which that_ woman _does her best to pick at the scabs of their post-abduction relationship. They do need to work on getting back to where they were before but they need to do it in private and most definitely not in front of a morning television audience. Can things get any worse? Yes, apparently they can, because Castle just offered a reward for information about his disappearance. Is he insane? What does he think is going to happen now? She's seen this before; a televised request for information after which any nut job or loser who wants a few minutes of fame phones in with a false tip just to feel important. The police then find themselves wading through piles of leads which end up precisely _nowhere_. Which is where this situation is going if she doesn't get her head back in the game soon. They need to talk about this immediately he's finished at the studio before things get out of hand.

Of course it doesn't work out like that, she should have known. Sometimes she really feels like the Universe hates her. Before they have a chance to discuss the issues raised in the interview they find themselves called to their first case together since Castle returned. Although they're working together again they are most definitely _not working_. She is silently freaking out and wondering if he's also picking up on their failure to connect; their mind-meld vibe is definitely missing but he's acting like everything is fine. They're on fragile ground at the moment and she doesn't want to do or say anything to upset him or push him away; she just got him back and is terrified she might lose him again. Looks like she's pretending everything is fine as well. They have to be better than this.

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><p>They're walking along the dock to view the body that just washed up in the East River. The conversation over the reward offered is not going so well. Castle refuses to believe the appeal won't bring them the lead they need to unlock the story of his missing two months. He seems upbeat but she comments on the likelihood of finding themselves challenged with a haystack full of nut jobs and he is quick with his reply:<p>

"Someone out there knows where I was and what I was doing." The longing to know in his words bring her to a complete standstill. She can think of nothing to say to that, it's too _big _to get in to here when they're getting ready to view a body. However his subsequent eagerness to help solve somebody else's mystery is something she can work with for now. It's what they have at this moment in time.

Ryan is back to his usual Castle-worshipping self and immediately welcomes him back, genuinely glad to see him. She's temporarily upset with Esposito and Lanie who blatantly ignore him. That upset rapidly turns to revulsion as she looks at the body for the first time. It could so easily have been Castle that was fished out of the water, floating dead in the Atlantic instead of safe in a fragile little boat. She's confronted yet again with how close she came to losing him. She is desperately fighting off all the negativity and the years of doing her job and the flow of the new case keeps them moving forwards until there is no time to dwell on what might have been. Lanie is talking and she's answering automatically.

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><p>Before she realizes it they're back in the precinct and the investigation really gets underway. It appears that working on auto-pilot allows her to temporarily ignore her personal heartache. However the hits to her fragile control keep coming. She's talking to the victim's wife, listening as she talks about her husband. He was working late and coming home after she was asleep in the days before his death; like he was trying to avoid her. He claimed everything was fine when she asked him. So once again she finds herself drifting, forced to confront the same insecurities that she has so many times before over the last few months. Did Castle leave because he didn't want to marry her? She keeps coming back to that question; it's on an endless loop in her head every time she looks at him or faces herself in the mirror. The panic is back.<p>

Leaving the interview room she finds a smile on her face as she thinks about how lucky she is to have him back. That smile rapidly disappears in shock as Castle grabs Gates and gives her a smacking kiss on the lips. She'd appeared in front of them holding out the slips of paper with the phone leads. He gave the precinct's number? What was he thinking? Time to have another talk before he gets himself banned from the homicide floor or possibly the building.

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><p>"Castle what were you thinking?" They're on their way to the office at Williger Toys to speak to the VP about their victim's behavior, but it's so difficult to carry on a conversation with him as they climb the stairs. He's looking pleased with himself though.<p>

"_The Supreme Art of War, _how to subdue the enemy without fighting, Sun Tzu." What? "The tactical smooch is just one weapon in my tactical arsenal." He has got to be kidding.

"Well deploy it again and this enemy might go nuclear." She hopes he still understands subtext. He claims he gets the message but he's quite clearly pinning his hopes on the answer to his own mystery coming from the leads on those slips of paper. Then of course he suddenly notices all the toys that are on display in the office above them and he's gone. Conversation over. Looks like her nine-year-old on a sugar rush now has the attention span of a four-year-old as well. Fantastic.

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><p>Once she's back at the precinct, alone, Esposito and Ryan appear with what amounts to basically no real answers.<p>

"What we could do with now is a crazy Castle theory." Ryan says what she's been silently hoping for.

Esposito's query as to Castle's whereabouts causes her to confess "He needed a time out so I sent him home to check his leads."

She can't help fretting about Castle's behavior and sends the other two off to canvas a coffee shop after Lanie calls with information about the physical evidence. There's only one person she can think of to talk to and immediately heads off to the morgue. Lanie seems like the voice of reason as she points out to her that she shouldn't expect things to be back to normal straight away. Why shouldn't she? Her desperation is growing.

She's pacing backwards and forwards, her agitation making it impossible to keep still. "I want it to be _us _again and there's this shadow between us. _Look _I am choosing to trust him in spite of all the evidence. I just wanna believe…"

Lanie jumps in "But you don't know if you can."

That's it. "Yeah. And he's acting like everything is fine. We both are, but it's not." They're really not and it's breaking her heart.

"Maybe this reward he's offering is a good thing. Maybe it'll lead to the truth." Now she just sounds like Castle. Could the two of them actually be right? Time to go home and find out; push the fears, insecurities, anger and frustration down. Discover if his faith in the phone leads is about to pan out.

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><p>She arrives home to find Castle and Alexis working through the leads. Alexis is clearly frustrated; Castle looks downcast. Martha really doesn't help when she asks him to hide in his office so he doesn't upset her date for the evening; she met him at the grief counseling group. Who does that? She hopes she doesn't look too shocked, she has no wish to upset Martha, but really. Castle is definitely upset. She follows him in to the office, but it seems that his problem is not so much with his mother but with the absence of anything useful in the leads he and Alexis have been going through. Fan girls wanting to help him out, there's a shocker; it seems she's now fighting sarcasm as well. She smiles at him, she wants to reassure him that they can work things out together. She can be there for him.<p>

For once it's Castle's phone that rings, not hers, but she looks on with concern as it transpires that he has no idea who is on the other end of the line when he asks how the caller got his number. He's told to go alone to a meeting in a very public place, but there's no way she won't at least be driving him to this meeting. It might be a public place but it could be a setup, or the kidnappers coming back for another try, or an assassin. Her mind is in turmoil.

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><p>As they sit in the car at the rendezvous she is adamant that she should be going with him, that they don't know anything about the man that called him. Castle's seemingly throwaway comment that he sounded like a spy has her considering;<p>

"Do you think this had something to do with your father?"

Her head whips round to look at him as he replies that it seems like his style. However he gets out of the car before she can say anything else and she's left alone once again. So many times over the next few minutes she's anxiously determined to get out of the car and follow him, but at least he's standing where she can see him. Until he disappears; he's following a man out of her line of sight.

No, not again; he can't keep doing this to her. She's barely hanging on to her sanity at this point and if she can't find a way to calm down she runs the risk of her anxiety turning in to a full-blown panic attack. Is it getting harder to breathe? She's tried so hard to stay strong since she was confronted with the burning wreck of his car. Her dreams of her perfect wedding crushed. Her fiancé missing and the guilt that he might have disappeared and left his family because he couldn't face marrying _her_. Her failure to find him. It's all there bubbling up inside of her, swirling around in her head, and she really needs him to be back safely _now_.

It's another few agonizing minutes before he slips back in to the passenger seat and tells her to go. He won't look at her or talk about what just happened. He's safe and unharmed and she calms down. He really doesn't want to talk about it though, he's quite clear about that. He's embarrassed. Seriously? All this worry and anguish as she waits impotently in the car for him and she doesn't even warrant an explanation because he's embarrassed? Unacceptable Castle. When they get back to the loft he's giving her the whole story, verbatim. She has her ways of making him talk and while her personal tactical arsenal has recently taken quite a hit there are still a few weapons she has at her disposal. Now she's a woman on a mission.

She has no doubt he'll be talking. Soon.

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><p><strong>If you would like to leave a review I'd be happy to read it. Thanks for continuing to read if you've got this far.<strong>

**Sally**

**Twitter: mshistorybrit**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to those of you who took the time to read, follow, favorite, and review the previous chapters. Could Guest reviewers let me know who you are please so that I can thank you in person? **

**Disclaimer: The usual you will find on this site; the characters don't belong to me. You know I'm actually okay with that because the responsibility of owning them is far too great! Happy to borrow them for a while though. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Mike and Lauren Adams. They respond to the televised appeal for answers and much to her surprise they aren't nut jobs. Alexis meets the couple and then manages to shepherd them to the precinct. As she listens to their story she can't fail to reflect on the fact that she should have been on _her_ honeymoon as well. It would have been at the same time as the younger couple were on theirs. The happy, excited, couple in front of her. Another thing that was ripped from her; her joy in being a newlywed and spending time alone on a beautiful tropical island with her husband. Suddenly the question of why he would want to spend three weeks in the Maldives when he's afraid of tsunamis pops in to her head and it's something she thinks she might need to remember to quiz him about later.

She finds herself staring at a cellphone photo of Lauren taken on the steps of a stone building. There in the background is Castle. He wasn't obviously being held captive, no gun at his back or his head; he's just stood there talking to _Fake Jenkins_. The photo quite clearly hasn't jogged his memory though, he hasn't remembered what he was doing there or who he was with. She feels him hold his breath at the same moment she holds hers as they wait to find out where the photo was taken. Montreal. He was in Montreal when they were supposed to be in the Maldives. Canada?

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><p>Back in the loft Alexis uses her tech skills to work out that the photo was taken on the steps of Montreal Global Bank. What would he have been doing at a Canadian bank? Alexis seems to be a little more on her game than the two of them, jumping out of her chair and grabbing the key that Lanie found sewn in to the seam of his pants. She could be right. It could be the key to a safety deposit box. What's going on here? They seem to have an equation where the expressions fail to give them a solution. It's overwhelming and confusing. They have facts in the space of a few hours after months of having none, yet they're no closer now to actually finding the story. Something is clearly missing.<p>

It is evident from the photo that Castle was out in public, and although he wasn't obviously under duress or in disguise, it may be possible that he attracted people's attention in some way. Other witnesses that they could question might be out there. Of course her eager man-child wants to immediately rush up to Canada and find the truth, but she has a victim and his family here to obtain justice for and that's non-negotiable. Montreal is just going to have to wait for the weekend. She's sure she can persuade Gates to let her have a couple of days leave to go and investigate. He's not going up there on his own. Of course that's immediately what he suggests; she should have seen that coming.

Just no. She lost him once and goodness knows who or what is waiting for him up there? She's not running the risk of letting him go on his own; she can't let him out of her sight and exist in a constant state of panic while she waits for him to walk back through the door, or worse _not_ walk back through the door. Not again. But he's looking at her with those beautiful pleading eyes and his enthusiasm really is endearing. Just no. She won't cave. Luckily she doesn't have to as Alexis discovers the side of herself that is all her father and offers to go with him, her enthusiasm matching his. His daughter is definitely the more responsible of the two of them though so it could work, but she needs to extract a promise from Alexis that she won't let him do anything stupid. The promise is freely given as she rushes out of the office on the way to grab her passport and Castle is busy on the computer booking their flights. She doesn't want to regret this decision to let them go without her, should have clearly stated what counts as doing something stupid. Alexis should know though, she is definitely the most sensible teenager she has ever met. Apart from Pi, that wasn't so smart. Too late to have doubts now, they're leaving.

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><p>They've gone and she's left behind to continue working the case with Ryan and Esposito. She's a professional, she has a job to do. Just needs to get her head back in the game. They discover the apartment that their victim rented in the weeks before his death and find a dog that's been left shut in a closet. She sends Esposito off with said dog to see if he's micro-chipped; maybe discovering who owns him will give them the answer to Wally's strange behavior. Meanwhile she sets off with Ryan to follow the evidence to a Chinese restaurant, which in turns leads them to the Williger warehouse. What was going on? Thankfully Ryan is managing to ask some useful questions and she's hoping he has some theories because she keeps distracting herself thinking about Castle and Alexis in Montreal. Wally-in-disguise had been hired at the warehouse, there was an incident there just before he died. Castle and Alexis haven't called or texted since they left; surely they should have some news by now. She's getting anxious again.<p>

No time to call them though as they meet Esposito and the dog back at the precinct. No clue who he belongs to or where he came from, so no help solving the case there. Ryan and Esposito are still working at 100%, haven't mentioned anything about her being distracted so maybe she's covering it up better then she thinks. Wait; that's Castle calling her name. She spins round. When did he get back?

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><p>He looks somber. No, more than that; he looks afraid. She feels her heart rate start to ramp up. Did something happen to them in Montreal? What did they find? Where's Alexis?<p>

In the privacy of the interrogation room he hands her an envelope; it's addressed to her, in his handwriting. Suddenly she isn't sure if she wants to open it, not if this is what has him looking so scared. They found this in the bank? It's a memory card. She holds it in her hand and feels the tremors start deep inside her; Castle is talking, she needs to concentrate on what he's saying. There were three of them in the safety deposit box, one each for her, Martha and Alexis; the most important people in his life. She's frozen, he takes it out of her hand and docks it with the computer. It's a video message; oh God.

"Kate if you're seeing this, well if you're seeing this I'm probably dead. I want you to know I never intended to leave you like this, not on our wedding day...it wasn't my choice. I wish I could tell you what's going on. I wish I could explain. But just know that I love you. I've always loved you. Always."

Her eyes have closed, his message triggering a flashback to a letter she'd written to him a few months back. Vulcan Simmons; the undercover op that she never expected to go home from, never thought she would see him again. A letter that poured out her love for him, so he would know she'd thought only of _him_. Always. That's what it will forever be with them. Always.

The relief is astounding; all these months of self-doubt, regret and anger melting away as they stand there. She feels like she's been trying to swim against the tide, struggling to keep herself from drowning in the evidence that made so sense with what she knew about Castle. It was their wedding day but he didn't run from _her_. He's still clearly terrified about what happened to him in those two months, he's no closer to remembering anything. He sounds so lost when he asks her what he did; she still has no idea either. She gently touches his face, tries to give him some sense of reassurance through her touch. Tori, she might be able to help them, pull some defining information from the metadata. Unfortunately she isn't hopeful but agrees to keep working on it.

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><p>She hates to think of it like that, but the case is a useful distraction at the moment; the dog is a trained drug dog. Castle is off with a crazy theory about the warehouse being used to ship drugs. Despite skepticism from the other two detectives, it's the best theory they have. The three of them leave the precinct for the offices of Williger Toys to arrest the murderer. She's uneasy though when Castle says he wants to stay behind at the precinct, but he's been so unsettled since he got back from Montreal, so maybe it's for the best. Her unease is validated however when they've just arrested Wally's assistant Matt Munroe and she gets a phone call from Tori. He's gone back to Montreal? Tori's computer program gave him an address. He's gone by himself to a place that he clearly expected to die in when he recorded that video message and there's nothing she can do about it. She understands his desire to find out the truth, probably understands better than anyone how that desire drives you to act, but she's not sure that it trumps her desire to have him safe at home with her. Irrational she knows, but they're all on edge, and rationality is in very short supply at the moment.<p>

His phone must be turned off, she has no way of contacting him to find out where he is or if he's okay. She needs to get back to the loft to see Martha and Alexis, explain what's happened. Maybe it's possible he spoke to one or both of them before he left, although her suspicion is that he avoided all three of them because he knows what they would have said about his desire to go back there alone. Why couldn't he just wait for her?

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><p>She's pacing about the loft for maybe five more hours before he returns, looking pale and shaken. But definitely alive and physically unharmed. Alexis is happy to quiz him, but Martha is clearly concerned about him and is she talking about Pandora's Box? She is, wondering if perhaps they should leave it closed. Mother's intuition perhaps? She does know him better than anyone. Maybe she's right.<p>

It's late before they can retreat to their bedroom, both exhausted but too wired to sleep. She's snuggled in to his chest, but she can feel him thinking. Can he move forward not knowing what happened to him? Can _they_ move forward? All she can tell him is that she could only push thoughts of her mother's murder out of her head for so long because she didn't have any answers. He clearly knew what had happened at the time and chose to forget it. He made that decision for himself so he could come home to his family and to her. He chose _her_ over remembering the truth. God, she loves him. But she can't marry him tomorrow; she's not ready, they aren't ready. They're both still healing, trying to find their feet, their solid ground. She gives them a month.

"No pressure. No expectations. Just us." He's satisfied with that, settles back down in to the bed so she can snuggle back in to his side.

Their solid ground. They'll get there.

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><p><strong>Probably two chapters to go; one to cover episode three and an epilogue for the wedding (when they finally decide to give us one!)<strong>

**Sally**

** Twitter: mshistorybrit**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you to those of you who are still taking the time to read, follow, favorite, and review this story. Until we get to see a wedding this will be the last chapter.**

**WARNING: This chapter is rated T. Please take note of this before you read.**

**Disclaimer: The usual you will find on this site; the characters don't belong to me. You know I'm actually okay with that because the responsibility of owning them is far too great! Happy to borrow them for a while though. The dialogue included is taken directly from the episode.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

Enough. There has been enough stress and heartache to last a lifetime and now she's sitting across the sofa from him wondering how to attract his attention. Is he ready to resume their physical relationship? She is; she's been ready since she watched the video he recorded in Montreal and all the doubts melted away to leave just want. She feels lighter, much more playful. It's been difficult to gauge his level of interest recently. He's been so quiet, not making any physical demands of her; but she's ready for more again, really needs him to be ready as well. Maybe she should just ask? Patience has never been one of her virtues and what little she might have had over the last few months is vanishing fast. He needs to be ready _now_. Okay, so she should probably just casually start a conversation and steer it round to what she wants to ask rather than just coming out with it straight away. That seems best

Here we go. "You wanna do something tonight?" Please say yes.

"Sure. If you do."

Okay. "We could watch a movie." At least he's looking at her now and not hiding behind his iPad. "But not if you don't want to." Please don't make me have to watch another movie.

"No. If you want to, I want to."

I really don't. "We've watched a lot of movies over the last couple of weeks." So many movies, it's time for something else. "So…Maybe we could, if you want to…" Look at me, Rick; really look. "I mean we could try something _else_ tonight."

"Something else as in…"

_Yes_. Now he's getting it. "Yeah, I mean we haven't since…" Since you returned home and nothing was the same with us.

"Given everything that's happened I thought you weren't ready."

Almost there; "I thought that _you_ weren't ready." She would really like them to move to the bedroom right about now.

"I'm _so _ready."

_There's_ the enthusiasm she's been waiting for. "I'm so ready too. I'm _really_ _ready_!" Getting desperate here in fact. She cannot over-emphasize this enough.

"Okay. So what are we waiting for?"

She has no idea, she's already heading off the sofa towards the bedroom. Of course the phone rings; they've been sat there for at least an hour before this and now it rings. She's really hates the Universe sometimes. It owes them big time. So long she's had to wait to get physical with him again and now they've been delayed by…Lanie. Not fair. At least he looks as distraught as she feels. Frustrated, that's what she means; frustrated. After all the stress and darkness of the last few months, they really need some physical closeness and release. Patience, Kate.

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><p>Their victim William Fairwick was apparently killed by an invisible force. A Beckett-flavored case as the boys like to say; it's interesting she supposes. For interesting she really means challenging, which in turn really just means preventing her from being able to get close to Rick any time soon. They don't need challenging, they need easy-to-solve. Better to think of Rick as Castle for now, it's more professional, more aloof for work; they need to maintain some sort of distance for now. She'll make it up to him later when they finally manage to get home; there's that Valentine's Day gift he got her this year that he <em>really<em> likes, even though there isn't that much of it to like. Perfect.

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><p>Castle is back on theory-spinning form it seems. They spoke to a witness and now he's spouting all sorts of theories; theories about their invisible killer possibly being the devil, the 'Prince of Darkness' and no doubt the Invisible Man will make it in to the mix sometime soon as well. It feels so good though to be stood next to him in the precinct again listening to him come up with one of his crazy ideas. It's so right, so sexy. Their verbal repartee is almost back to full strength and she feels this energy thrumming through her body, a sort of magnetic attraction, pulling her closer and closer to him as they stand next to each other. It's an invisible force of their own. She desperately needs to kiss him, to feel the warmth of his lips on hers. Their kiss will be <em>so<em> good, they always are. Wait. Is that her phone ringing again? Castle's telling her not to answer it, so it must be; she has to answer it, they're in the precinct and it's going to be about the case. Lanie again? She really needs to have a chat with their ME some time soon about phoning her at inappropriate moments. For example when she's trying her best to have an inappropriate moment with Castle at work. The Universe still owes them, she hasn't forgotten. Patience; she really needs to dig deep for it now. Calm, she needs some of that as well. Okay; evidence is going to solve this case, not wild theories. She really needs to get back in to that multi-tasking mind set again, keep her concentration levels up.

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><p>Evidence and a suspect nicknamed 'The Ghost' lead them to a previous victim, Tom Talmadge, also attacked by an invisible force but thankfully still alive. He recognizes Will but not as his attacker, his savior. Thankfully he doesn't feel the need to mention the devil, but Castle does; she thinks there may be some minions mentioned as well at some point. It's going to be a long day. Patience, Beckett.<p>

That it's going to be a long day proves to be the case when video footage goes missing from the evidence box; security guards at Will's apartment block say their security tapes have been erased; and Tori is unable to break the encryption on Will's computer. Insurance adjuster/pool shark, neither is looking likely at this stage as a reason for any of this, especially such a violent murder. Thankfully Esposito manages to pull something from Will's phone records, a connection to a biology professor at Hudson University; Donna Brooks. It seems they knew each other as students at MIT and re-connected on Facebook a couple of months ago; they've been dating. She says that Will had left MIT after the first semester because he'd cracked under the pressure, started acting paranoid and believed he was being watched. Well that would explain the way he was acting on the video footage; he must have cracked again. Why? And that still doesn't explain the killer they can't see. There has to be more to all this. His neighbor said he went to work every day; where was he going if it wasn't to Greenblatt Insurance? The key card, they need the key card which is still at his apartment.

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><p>Will's apartment is dark when they get there and, dare she think it, slightly creepy. Something touches her butt and she lets out a girly shriek of surprise; Castle! So not the time and the place. Later. She has the key card, but suddenly something is grabbing her, choking, tugging at the lanyard, and she can't hold on to it. Why can't she see who it is? Castle, a little help please! He's finally realized, pushed that thing off her and grabbed the key card, but now it has Castle, banging his head on the floor. She needs to stop it before they get hurt and lose this piece of evidence as well. Where is it? It's gone; she felt it push past her and head for the door. Castle, she really loves him right now, had the presence of mind to swap his credit card for the key card; they have something to go on finally.<p>

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><p>They have to return to the precinct and face Gates, as if this day hasn't been trying enough already. There is no way she's admitting to being attacked by an invisible person, and if Castle says anything she is seriously retracting the offer of wearing the Valentine's Day gift when they get home. She is not even joking about that. No mention to Gates of the invisible man, Castle. None. Thankfully she is able to give a verbal report and phrase things without telling Gates an outright lie, and she really doesn't feel that guilty about it. Patience, Beckett.<p>

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><p><em>Finally<em>, Castle offers to take her mind off everything and he's giving her that look that turns her insides to mush, and suddenly they're rushing home; did she drive or did they just take a cab? Don't remember, don't care, not important. No more patience required, they just need the bed, they need to be in the bedroom. They manage to stagger there, lips locked, and perform their long-perfected jumping dive with a bounce, twist and flip at the end; she's been waiting for this all day. She loves this bed, it's so deliciously bouncy. They're already kissing on the way down; it's all lips, tongues, hands and….so good.

"You have no idea how much I've missed this."

What? "You had amnesia for two months. I missed it more." I win this little competition, so please just shut up and kiss me again; we still have all our clothes on.

Of course life can never be that simple; the phone doesn't ring but she can't shake the feeling that they're being watched. They're both nervy, jumpy, and is that Rick's hand on her leg? Please be Rick's hand. He says it is, but it still feels like they're being watched. Patience, Kate. Now where's he going?

Oh, wow, that's amazing. Watching him string those pots and pans up with dental floss all round the bedroom is quite the turn on. It's a work of art. He's so ingenious; nothing's getting past all that.

"And you thought 'Zombie Apocalypse Camp' was a waste of time."

She's sitting on the end of the bed waiting for him; why is he still all the way over there? He's sexy, nerdy and should be all the way over _here_ on the bed with her. Rick? Okay, finally, so he sort of does this running dive-and-twist while she's turning off the lights. It's all very well choreographed, and where were they? The phone always rings about now, they need to get on before they're interrupted again.

No. No, no, no. Martha? Is it herself or Martha screaming? Difficult to tell. Well, the trap's a big success. Rick looks like he's just seen a ghost, or he may be having a heart attack. It's just his mother looking for dental floss. She couldn't have managed without it for once? Just one night. Patience, Kate; it seems like everybody owes you now.

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><p>They decide to go back to work; it has to be less frustrating than hanging around the loft when the mood is ruined. Might as well get justice for Will instead. They use his key card to track down a government lab facility where it turns out Will was a scientist. Now the facts start to make more sense. A quantum engineer; cloaking science; Dr. Elena Sarkov; recruited out of MIT. These are all facts they can work with. The invisibility suit the lab has on display doesn't work, but this case has proven that somebody <em>does<em> have a working suit; it's the only thing that makes sense. What are they missing? The lab was on the receiving end of a cyber-attack recently; Sarkov suspects the Chinese, and apparently this technology is the arms race of the 21st century. They haven't come across any Chinese connections to Will so far, but they probably shouldn't rule it out completely. Will's death has set the research back years? That's more interesting, the killer's not likely to be somebody in this lab then; why would you sabotage your own work? Castle's eagle eyes spot a symbol in the line of viral code the hackers used; it's the East Mountain Goblin from _Terra Quest_. Henry Wright, Will's neighbor.

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><p>In interrogation Henry is talking; he and Will built a working invisibility suit together. Henry used it to attack Talmadge because he stole his business idea, but he and Will decided it was too much power for one person, especially the government; he's spouting about Frodo, the one ring and the fires of Mordor. They sabotaged the lab, made sure the government wouldn't be able to rebuild straight away. Oppenheimer, atomic bomb analogy, got it. Will derived the quantum cellular equations for the suit from cephalopods; wait. Cephalopods, like cuttlefish? Donna Brooks. That's the break they need. Time to get a search warrant and go and arrest her; close the case and move on to other more pressing personal matters that are still unresolved.<p>

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><p>They find themselves chasing Donna in to an empty lab at Hudson University; she's currently invisible but they have fire extinguishers with spray particulates that condense on the suit, allowing them to see her. Castle is saying something about mind-melds, but honestly she is having too much fun to pay attention too closely. They have Donna, the case is closed. Finally, she can get back to the precinct, file the paperwork and drag Rick home to finish what they started earlier. He really is in love with that suit; he's running his hands all over it. She can't wait until his hands are all over her instead. Patience, Kate, finish the paperwork and get out of here.<p>

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><p>They're home again, one of those rare occasions when they're completely alone in the loft, and Rick scans the room with these new thermal imaging goggles that have arrived; man-child. Did they turn their phones off? They need to not be ringing any time soon. Finally; he's satisfied that the only hot bodies in the room are theirs, no phones will be ringing and it's time for her to go and slip in to something a lot less than she already has on.<p>

"Is it that thing I got you for Valentine's Day?"

No, even better than that. Just a lot of naked skin to fog up those goggles.

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><p><strong>So there you have it for now; when we get the wedding I'll add it as an epilogue to this story because it seems like it will be a natural conclusion to this story arc.<strong>

**Sally**

**Twitter: mshistorybrit**


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